


he waits for me to come back down

by la_paresse



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, not a single comma is used correctly and i am so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29790129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/la_paresse/pseuds/la_paresse
Summary: “Jonas, just because you know one other gay guy in Oslo doesn’t mean you need to set me up with him.”Isak is tired and just wants to make it through his last year of university. He doesn't have the energy for Jonas' meddling.
Relationships: Even Bech Næsheim/Isak Valtersen
Comments: 28
Kudos: 140





	1. chapter 1

“Jonas, just because you know one other gay guy in Oslo doesn’t mean you need to set me up with him,” Isak said into his phone as he got in line at Kaffebrenneriet.

“Pansexual. And I know more than two queer guys.” “Pansexual, whatever, still doesn’t mean I need to date him. You know I don’t do that.”

“I didn’t say anything about dating him, I just thought you could meet him. Plus, Isak,” Jonas sounded exasperated now, “maybe dating someone wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. You can’t just hook up with random guys at parties forever.”

“Don’t call me a whore, Vasquez.” At that, the guy at the table next to Isak laughed looking up at Isak. He thought he had been talking quietly enough, but apparently not.

“I’m not calling you a whore, _Valtersen_.” But Isak didn’t hear the rest of what Jonas was saying, too busy making direct eye contact with the guy. He was smiling now, raising one eyebrow as if to make fun of Isak.

“Hey, you listening?” Isak could feel himself blushing now and he quickly stared down at his feet.

“Sorry, they started playing that Gabrielle song I hate, I got distracted. What did you say?” Jonas snorted but didn’t say anything about Isak’s obvious lie.

“Are you coming with us on Friday?”

“I don’t know, I have a quiz in biochem that I should study for.”

“You’re always fucking studying, come on, Eva misses you.”

Isak was instantly filled with guilt. It was true, he hadn’t gone out with the boys in a couple weeks and he hadn’t seen any of his either friends much either. But he hadn’t been sleeping, so he hadn’t had the energy to put on a happy face and answer questions about how he's doing. And he really did have a quiz he should study for. But he gave in as he usually does for Jonas. 

“Sure you’re not the one missing me Jonas? Fine, I’ll be there, but you better be bringing weed.”

“Yeah bro, of course, it’s not a party without weed anyway. See you on Friday!” Isak sighed as Jonas hung up.

* * *

“Isak! I’m so glad you made it!” Eva was the first to greet Isak when he walked through the door.

He gave her a quick hug, but she was obviously already very drunk so he didn’t stick around to talk more. The base was making his head throb and he wanted to leave, but he pushed through the crowd in hopes of finding Jonas and his promised weed. If he couldn’t be at home in bed, at least he could get high. He finally found Jonas in the back corner of the living room leaning against the wall.

“Hey.” Jonas didn’t answer, just handed him the joint he was smoking. They stood in silence for a few minutes, passing the joint back and forth.

Finally Isak let out a long breath. “Where’s Magnus and Mahdi?”

Jonas silently tipped his head toward the other side of the living room, where Isak had missed Magnus trying, unsuccessfully by the look of it, to hit on a girl Isak recognized from one of his classes.

“Mahdi disappeared a while ago, think he’s finally hooking up with that first year girl he won’t stop talking about.” At that, Isak laughed quietly. “And, uh, that guy I was telling you about, Even, he came with us.” Jonas looked a bit unsure, as if he wasn’t sure how Isak would react. But Isak just stared at him blankly.

“The guy from my Gender and Film class. The pansexual one…” The guy Jonas was trying to set him up with, great. “He’s here somewhere, I could introduce you.” It was more a question than a statement.

Before Isak could say no, he didn’t really want to be forced to make conversation with Even with Jonas hovering around, the guy from KB appeared on the other side of Jonas. He smirked at Isak and he knew that the guy recognized him too. This night was going downhill fast.

“Even,” Jonas said in lieu of a greeting. “I was just talking about you! This is my best friend, Isak.”

Fuck. So this was Even. The pleasant high he’d been starting to feel just a minute ago was gone now.

“Hey Isak, nice to meet you.” Even’s eyes seemed to sparkle, but Isak chalked it up to the strobing party lights. Isak didn’t say anything, just nodded.

After a few minutes of Jonas and Even having a conversation Isak did not pay attention to Jonas pushed himself off the wall to go get a beer.

“So,” Even said sliding into the spot Jonas had just vacated, “what do you have against Gabrielle?”

“Her music is too…” After struggling for a second too long, Isak finally settled on: “happy.”

“So you only listen to sad music?”

“Something like that.”

“Sounds depressing.”

Isak just shrugged. He could feel Even staring into the side of his head, but he kept his gaze steadily focused on the grinding bodies on the dance floor in front of them. He didn’t know what Jonas had told Even, but he hoped Even wasn’t expecting anything from him. Hoped Even had heard the part of his conversation when he told Jonas that he didn’t date. Hoped Even hadn't realized the conversation was about him. Hoped he wouldn't be seeing Even around.

Isak had tried dating his first semester at UiO. He had been fresh out of the closet and Eskild had insisted that he download Tinder. But he had quickly realized that dating just wasn’t for him. Every guy had seemed more into him than he was into them, talking about a future together Isak was never convinced he wanted. Jonas made fun of him for leaving a trail of broken hearts, but Isak insisted he was just saving everyone from more heartache. And then in his second semester school had picked up and he didn’t really have time to date anyway.

So Isak didn’t date anymore. And he couldn’t just pull Even into one of the bedrooms for a quick fuck like he normally would because he was Jonas’ friend. And Jonas would be disappointed. Isak hated when Jonas was disappointed. So he didn’t keep the conversation going, afraid Even would get the wrong idea.

Eventually the rest of the boys showed up and Even shifted away from Isak. The tightness in Isak’s chest that he didn’t want to understand finally loosened as he turned his attention to the story Magnus was telling.


	2. chapter 2

Isak saw Even everywhere after that. All over campus, at the library, at parties. And he knew that people say that you notice something more when you’re looking for it, but he swore he was not looking for Even.

He also saw Even at fucking Kaffebrenneriet again, but when Isak realized Even actually worked there, he started going to the one twenty minutes off of campus. It’s more inconvenient sure, but at least he doesn’t have to deal with the way his heart seems to race uncomfortably every time Even smiled at a customer. He didn’t have time for a stupid crush, he had midterms to study for. He didn't really want to fail his last semester.

Then Jonas starts inviting Even to study with them and he became a fixture in their little group. Isak could always feel Even’s gaze on him, but he staunchly avoided eye contact by burying his head in his textbooks. He didn’t know what Even wanted from him and he was frankly too tired to figure it out.

Jonas tried to rope him into conversations, but Isak limited himself to one word answers.

“Isak, what are you studying for?”

“Anatomy.”

“Isak, Even almost transferred to Nissen for his last year, we could have met him then, isn’t that crazy?”

“Yeah.”

“Isak, do you wanna come with us to the bar on Friday?’

“No.”

Jonas eventually does convince him to go out with the boys though, he felt a little bad for being so rude. But Isak knew he’s going to regret it.

* * *

Isak was right. He did regret agreeing to go.

Beep. “I’m here bro, where are you? Call me back.”

Isak had almost given up waiting. It was March and the snow had barely melted. Hadn’t melted where it was piled up beside the buildings. Isak was shivering in his sweatshirt. But then his phone finally rang.

“Hey, sorry man, Mahdi and I got caught up in some stuff, but we’ll be there in like 45 minutes. And Magnus is…. yeah actually I don’t know, he should be there already.”

“Well he’s not.” Isak tried to not let his frustration creep in to his voice. “Uh ok, Even is on his way though, just hang out with him until we get there.”

Realization hit Isak with a pang. “You did this on purpose, didn’t you?”

Jonas sighed. “No Isak, I didn’t.”

“I’ve known you since we were ten, Jonas, don’t lie to me.”

Isak could practically feel Jonas rolling his eyes through the phone. “Just give the guy a chance.”

“I’m not gonna date him.” Another sigh. “I didn’t say you had to, for fucks sake Isak, but you can still be friends, right?”

Isak didn’t want more friends either, his current friend group was already too big as far as he was concerned.

“I’m going home, I’ll see you on Monday,” Isak said with a huff.

“Isak,” Jonas said as if he was preparing for a fight. But after a moment he just replied, “fine, see you on Monday.”

Isak turned to walk back to the bus station but before he’d completely turned around he felt himself collide with something. He took a step back trying to regain his balance.

“Isak, hey.”

A _someone_ not a _something_ , his brain helpfully supplied.

“Are you ok?” he heard before registering that the _someone_ he had collided with was Even.

“I’m fine, I was just leaving. Jonas will be here in 45 minutes.”

He started walking back toward the bus stop. Even fell into step beside him.

“Don’t really want to wait here by myself,” he said in response to Isak’s confused look.

Isak quickly returned his face to a natural expression, deciding to just ignore Even and hoping that he would be alone soon. But Even stayed with him at the bus stop and then got on the same bus.

When Even got off at the same bus stop, Isak finally caved. “Are you following me or something?”

“No, I live over there,” Even said pointing in the opposite direction from Isak’s apartment. Even turned to walk away, but he quickly turned back around to face Isak again. “Hey, do you wanna come back to my place? I have weed and we can just chill?”

If someone had asked him why he agreed, Isak would have settled on the fact that when he had left his apartment, Eskild and Linn had been watching some stupid romcom. He knew that if he went back home, Eskild would force him to watch it with them. Isak just wasn’t in the mood.

* * *

Isak settled on Even’s floor looking at all the art taped to every available wall around him. He fought a smile when he noticed the little animal cartoons in one corner. Even bent over a crate in his bookshelf rifling through it. Finally he pulled out a blue record and placed it on his record player.

“Sad music for just Isak,” Even said with a grin.

Isak didn’t recognize the song that started playing.

“It’s in French,” he said after a moment, not knowing what else to say.

“Yeah.”

“Then how do you know it’s sad? Do you speak French?” At that, Even chuckled.

“No, my mom tried to teach me but it never worked out. I guess I don’t know, but I just feel like it is. Don’t you?”

Isak just shrugged.

The next hour was spent lazily passing joints between them and having quiet conversations about everything and nothing.

Isak learned that Even’s favorite movie was Romeo + Juliet and that he usually listened to Nas but had a soft spot for Cher. He learned that Even could quote every line of Legally Blonde because it was his sister’s favorite movie and he had seen it a thousand times when he was younger. He learned that Even had taken four years to finish high school instead of three and that he had also taken a gap year before starting university. He learned that Even wanted make movies. Isak tried not to file this information away for later, but he was largely unsuccessful.

* * *

“Tell me what you’re thinking about?”

They were lying side-by-side on Even’s bed and Isak had lost track of how many joints they had smoked.

“The multiverse theory.”

“The what?”

“The multiverse theory. The theory that everything that could happen is happening in infinite parallel universes.”

“I don’t like that.”

“Why?”

“It makes me feel so small, so alone.”

“It makes me feel like… For every fucked up decision I make, an infinite number of Isaks are making better decisions and an infinite number of Isaks are suffering right along with me. It’s comforting.”

“Are you making a fucked up decision right now?”

“I don’t know yet.”

* * *

The record player has long since stopped and Isak was becoming increasingly aware of the silence around them. His skin tingled every time his hand brushed Even’s. They weren’t even passing a joint back and forth anymore, just lying beside each other.

“What do you want from me Even?”

“What makes you think I want anything?”

“You look at me like you do.”

“I want whatever you’ll give me.”

“Why?”

Even didn’t reply. Several minutes passed in complete silence and Isak fidgeted.

“I don’t know what Jonas said, but I’m not gonna go on a date with you or be your fucking boyfriend.”

“Ok.”

“Good, I just want you to know that.”

For a brief moment Isak wondered who he was trying to convince.

* * *

Isak woke with a start to someone singing loudly in the kitchen. He soon realized that he was not lying in his own bed.

The night before came crashing back to him. He didn’t remember everything, so he was thankful that he had woken up in the same clothes from the day before.

When Isak made it out to the kitchen, Even was standing there cooking eggs and dancing slightly. Mostly just moving his hips to what Isak realized was a Cher song. Isak took a moment to just stare at the domesticity of it.

“You’re awake,” Even said, turning the radio down when he finally noticed Isak.

“Uh yeah, sorry I have to go, I forgot something.”

Isak could finally move his feet again and he rushed for the door.

“Thanks for last night,” he added before making his escape. He missed the way Even’s face fell.

* * *

Isak ran most of the way home.

“Have a good night, baby gay?” Of fucking course Eskild was already awake.

“Not a walk of shame,” Isak said before slamming his bedroom door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the album even played is les failles by pomme


	3. chapter 3

**Unknown number:** what are you doing right now

 **Isak:** who is this

 **Unknown number:** your not-boyfriend :)

 **Isak:** how’d you get my number?

 **Even:** you gave it to me the other day

Isak hoped that if he just didn’t answer, Even would give up. But after a few minutes of trying to absorb the information on the flashcards in front of him, Isak felt his phone buzz again.

 **Even:** so what are you doing?

 **Isak:** i’m in class

 **Even:** no you’re not

In all fairness, Isak wasn’t in class, he was tucked into a back corner at the library where he’d been sitting for the past five hours. Isak looked up, expecting to see Even, maybe at one of the neighboring tables. But he didn’t see any signs of the familiar head of blond hair.

 **Isak:** if you knew that why are you texting me?

Isak waited for a response, and eventually it came in the form of a photo. The photo was of one of the aggressive “keep quiet” signs posted around the library with Isak in the background frowning down at his phone. He looked in the only direction the photo could have been taken from and eventually spotted Even.

Even waved excitedly before beckoning for Isak to come over. Isak shook his head no.

 **Even:** please :)

 **Isak:** why?

 **Even:** you look like you could use a break

 **Isak:** I have a midterm

 **Even:** I’ll buy you coffee and help you study later :) :)

Isak rolled his eyes but started packing up the notebooks and loose pieces of paper strewn over the table. As he started walking toward Even he was almost trampled by a group of first years that had been circling the library for the past twenty minutes as they rushed for the newly empty table.

Isak finally caught up with Even as he was exiting the library.

“Ok, what do you want?” Isak tried saying it in his most accusatory tone, but he didn’t think he was very successful because Even seemed unfazed.

“You’ll see,” was Even’s only response.

“Well can you at least slow down a little?” Isak was almost jogging trying to keep up with Even’s long strides. “You’re like a fucking giraffe.”

“Sorry,” Even said, but he barely slowed down.

When they finally reached the bus stop, Isak desperately tried to catch his breath again.

The bus that went toward their neighborhood arrived, and Isak tried getting on but Even gently tugged his arm.

“Nope, this one,” Even said, now pulling Isak toward the bus that went in the other direction.

Isak could exactly figure out why he let Even drag him along.

“Will you tell me where we’re going now?”

“Mm,” Even looked like he was considering it for a moment, “nah.”

It wasn’t until half an hour later when Even grabbed his hand to pull him off the bus that Isak knew where they were going.

“The Tenknisk Museum?”

“Well they have a temporary exhibit about the moon landing right now and Jonas told me you like space–”

“Yeah, when I was twelve.” Fucking Jonas.

“– _and_ you talked my ear off about parallel universes and I figured they were pretty much the same thing.”

“They’re not the same thing,” Isak said with a huff. 

“They’re both infinite and make me feel small, so, same thing.”

Isak rolls his eyes.

“You’re cute when you do that.”

“What?”

“When you roll your eyes.”

“Don’t call me cute.”

“This part of us not going on dates, I can’t call you cute?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I call you pretty?”

“No.”

“Handsome?”

Isak just glared instead of responding.

“Ok.” But Even was smiling looking at the blush Isak could feel rising on his cheeks.

After a minute Even seemed to remember where they were.

“Anyway, they say it’s best to go to museums with people who know more about the topic than you do,” Even said. “Like a personal tour guide!”

Isak doubted anyone actually said that so he just rolled his eyes again.

“I don’t know anything about the moon landing though,” he replied.

“I bet you know more than me.” Even was heading for the door now. “All I know is Neil Andersen was the first man on the moon.”

“Neil _Armstrong,_ ” Isak couldn’t help himself from correcting.

“See! You do know more than me,” Even said, grinning wide.

* * *

They spent the rest of the afternoon wandering the museum. They’d started at the moon landing exhibit but had soon moved on to other exhibits. They learned about everything from Norway’s agricultural history to green energy, and every couple of minutes Even would ask questions about the information on the plaques.

“Even, you know I study medicine, I don’t know anything about the inner workings of a lightbulb, right?”

But at every reminder Even would just wave his hands in a shrug and move on to the next sign.

The museum was overrun with children, which put Isak on edge, but Even expertly diverted him from the paths of small running children with soft tugs and pushes.

Isak hated to admit it, but he had had a good time.

* * *

Hanging out with Even was easier after that. Which was good because it was as if the floodgates had opened. Even texted him at all hours of the day, mostly just memes and links to Wikipedia articles.

They also hung out almost every day, mostly just studying together or with the rest of the boys. When it’s just the two of them, Isak didn’t get a lot of studying done though, too busy trying to ignore the tightness in his chest that made it hard to breathe sometimes. Isak wanted to believe that it’s because he has allergies and it’s dusty in the library.

Then Isak started going back to KB near campus specifically during Even’s shifts because he knew he could talk himself into a free coffee. He sat near the window and studied most of the time, but when there are no customers that need assistance, Even would come to sit with him. Even would quiz him with his flashcards or they’d talk about music, how classes were going, and everything in between.

“I feel like every time you come in they play sad songs,” Even whined one day. “It’s like someone at corporate knows you’re here.”

Isak listened but it was some unfamiliar Taylor Swift song that was playing.

“I don’t think this sounds sad,” Isak finally said.

“Ok, wait, I bet you the next song will be sad.”

“And what happens if you’re right?”

“I get a free coffee.”

“Even, you work here, don’t you get free coffee every shift?”

“Yeah, but I usually give it to you, so this time I’m keeping it,” Even said nonchalantly.

Isak blushed, he hadn’t realized that that was how he had been getting his free coffee.

Finally the song changed and Isak focused on the lyrics instead of the rushing in his ears.

_I get too drunk, I get too stoned  
_ _I get careless on my own  
_ _I get so lost, I don't wanna be found  
_ _I make a mess inside my head_

Isak tried not to think about how close to home those lyrics hit. Tried not to think of all the parties where he’d smoked too much, drank too much, and gotten too lost in his own head.

“What did I tell you, sad, they know you’re here Isak,” Even said, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“Who?”

“The people at corporate!” Even replied, as if it had been obvious.

Isak rolled his eyes, but before he could think of a response, Even’s coworker called him from behind the counter.

“I’m gonna send you a playlist of happy songs,” Even said as he walked away.

* * *

The next day at the library Isak received a text from Even that just contained a Spotify link.

Isak opened it and couldn’t help but smile. It was a playlist titled “happy songs for Isak so he doesn’t have to cry himself to sleep every night <3.”

He sent a quick reply to Even.

 **Isak:** I don’t cry myself to sleep every night bitch

Then he went back to scrolling through the playlist. There were a lot of Lady Gaga, Gabrielle, Cher, and Beyonce songs from what Isak could tell at first glance. It seems more like Eskild’s taste in music.

But before he could press play, Jonas flopped down in the seat next to him.

“I’m so fucked bro,” were the first words he said after letting out a long groan.

Isak barely looked up at him, but he shoved his phone into his bag. He’d listen to the playlist later.

“Nothing I studied was on my psych midterm,” Jonas continued unprompted. “I’m gonna be one of those kids that fails out in their last semester. My mom’s gonna disown me and I’m gonna end up unemployed and in the streets.”

“Jonas, we live in Norway, that’s not gonna happen.”

“Yeah but like the whole capitalist system is so fucked up and I…” Isak tuned out Jonas’ fourth rant about capitalism in as many days. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t heard before. Though usually it took at least one joint or a couple of drinks for Jonas to get to this point.

* * *

Two weeks later, Isak and Even were hanging out behind the art building getting high.

Even had been texting him all day to hang out and that’s where Isak found him when he finally finished his last class. On the ground, tucked in beside a bush leaning up against the brick wall. Isak had long since given up on trying to understand why Even did the things he did so he simply slid down to sit next to Even and asked him to pass over the joint.

Isak had lost track of how long they had been sitting there when he felt his phone vibrate. It was one of those email alerts from the university letting the students know what activities and events were happening on campus. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d read one of those emails, but he was trying to ignore the wetness from the ground that was starting to permeate his jacket so he studied it like he would have one of his text books.

“Hey Even, there’s a photography exhibit in the art building, we should go,” Isak said looking up from his phone.

“Right now?”

“Yes! I’m wet and cold and it’s right there.” Isak gestured vaguely at the building behind them.

Even groaned.

“They say it’s best to go to exhibits with experts and you’re an art student!”

“Don’t use my words against me! And I’m a _film_ student.”

“Please,” Isak tried not to sound desperate.

“Well, your wish is my command, so let’s go,” Even said, finally giving in. He started slowly unfolding his long limbs and he almost tipped over several.

Isak couldn’t help but to giggle.

They’d only been wandering the exhibit for fifteen minutes when Even pulled him into the bathroom to smoke the rest of the joint.

“It’s the art building Isak, everyone gets high in the bathroom, it’s a right of passage.”

They were on their way out to get food when Isak noticed a photograph that was decidedly less pretentious than the ones they’d looked at earlier. It was a photo of some guys Isak vaguely recognized looking like they were just goofing around. But something about the light and the angle pulled Isak in. Honestly he was probably too high.

Isak drifted over and noticed the little name tag said _Even Bech Næsheim_.

“You didn’t tell me you were in this exhibit!”

“Was I supposed to?”

“Yes! That’s what friends do. I didn’t even know you were in a photography class,” Isak said frowning, struck with sudden sadness that he didn’t know these things.

“Sorry, it was from last semester, I didn’t even remember it was here,” Even replied dismissively. “Come on let’s go get food, I’m hungry.” Even gently pulled on Isak’s hand.

Isak looked down in surprise. He hadn’t realized they were holding hands. He finally let Even pull him toward the exit, too stunned to protest.

* * *

As they were walking toward their neighborhood after getting food, Even ducked into a convenience store. He emerged a couple of minutes later with a bottle of white wine in hand.

“The guy behind the check-out was glaring at me, I panicked,” Even answered Isak’s silent question.

They passed the bottle between them as they continued home. The more they drank, the more they bumped into each other. Every time Even’s body made contact with his, Isak felt like he was on fire.

Isak didn’t notice that they’d passed Even’s apartment until he was unlocking the door to his building. They were giggling quietly to each other at jokes that weren’t funny, trying not to wake any of Isak’s sleeping neighbors. But by the time they stumbled across Isak’s doorstep their giggles had turned to moans ask Even pressed him against the wall.

Even kissed him deeply as they slowly made their way to Isak’s bedroom. Isak couldn’t remember the last time kissing someone had felt this good, if he could, he would have realized that it had never felt like this.

Isak felt like they were two colliding stars. Like two stars in a binary star system, slowly orbiting each other until they collided. Or at least he thought that’s how it worked, but he hadn’t picked up an astronomy book in nearly ten years so his memory was a little fuzzy.

Isak knew this was wrong. Knew it was wrong when he sank down to his knees. Knew it was wrong when Even pushed him onto the bed. Knew it was wrong as they panted and moaned together. Knew it was wrong when he laid in bed afterward looking up at glow in the dark starts Eskild had hung up in the ceiling. But he did nothing to stop it, too drunk, too high, and too far gone on _Even_ to _want_ to stop.

Somewhere deep in his mind Isak hoped this would get Even out of his system, hoped that it would make it easier to look at him and be near him. But even deep in his mind Isak knew he was lying to himself.

* * *

Isak woke the next morning to an empty bed. He laid there stunned for a moment before remembering the time he’d woken up in Even’s apartment to find him cooking breakfast. He sprang out of bed and barely pulled on a t-shirt before sprinting to the kitchen. He let something akin to hope blossom in his chest for a brief moment.

But there was no Even in the kitchen either. He felt like his chest was splitting in two. Is this what a heart attack felt like? He should know, he was studying medicine.

When Isak made his way back to his bed to curl up, he noticed the remnants of Even’s outfit strewn across his room. His jacket was slung over the chair, his shoes were haphazardly piled in the corner, his shirt and socks dropped between the door and the bed. He was confused, but knew Even wasn’t in the bathroom because he’d passed the open doorway on his way to the kitchen and it had been empty.

 **Isak:** you left your clothes here, are you coming back?

Isak waited hours, but Even never responded. He kept sending increasingly desperate texts over the next few days, but with each unanswered text, the hole in his chest continued to grow until Isak felt like he was being swallowed whole.

 **Isak:** I finally listened to the playlist you sent me, I have some mixed reviews for you :)

 **Isak:** there’s a mini space exhibit in the science building, wanna go?

 **Isak:** hey, I miss you, I hope you’re ok

 **Isak:** hye evn, ur stupid and dumb, i miss u so much ad u wont even txt me back wtf

 **Isak:** ignore those last texts, I was drunk, I’m sorry, text me when you’re ready i guess

* * *

Isak tried going about his normal life, but there was an Even-shaped hole now. He'd gotten so used to Even just being there all the time over the past few weeks. 

He finally took Sana up on her offer to help him study for their anatomy test after three days of wallowing. So that’s where he found himself now: in the library listening to Sana explain the function of joints without absorbing a single word she was saying.

“How did you know you were in love with Yousef?” Isak asked suddenly.

Sana looked surprised for a moment but recovered quickly.

“Who says I love him?”

“ _Sana_ ,” Isak whined, “I have eyes, I see the way you look at him, _please_?”

Sana continued thinking for a while as if she knew Isak wouldn’t be satisfied with the answer _I just knew_.

“I think… I don’t think I knew immediately, it happened slowly. Ok, it’s like this, relationships take a lot of work, and it was work that he was willing to put in, that _we_ were willing to put in. And I think that’s how I knew. And like… I feel lighter when I’m around him as if everything could go to shit, but at least we’d have each other. It isn’t easy but it feels right, you know?”

Isak stared down at his clasped hands, trying not to make eye contact with Sana. He knew that if he did, she would be able to read him like an open book.

But somehow she did anyway.“Is this about Even?”

Isak whipped his head up. “How do you know about Even?”

“I have ears, Isak,” she said, parroting him, “you won’t stop talking about him. You never say his name, but I kind of figured. And I’ve seen you guys hanging out, so,” Sana’s voice was soft, not accusing.

“No, maybe… It doesn’t matter, he isn’t responding to my texts anyway.”

“Give him time,” Sana responded.

“Give him time for what?”

Sana just gave Isak a look he was very familiar with after five years of friendship. A look that said she knew more than he did. But in all fairness, she probably did know more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song that plays in the cafe is "she waits for me to come back down" by donovan woods and katie pruitt, the song sounds sadder than it is


	4. chapter 4

They’re sitting side-by-side on a bench eating kabab. Well, Jonas was eating, Isak was mostly just staring down at his food. It was reminiscent of the time Isak came out to Jonas almost three years ago, but Isak tried not to dwell on that thought too much, it wasn’t really a time in his life he would like to remember.

Jonas was talking about some party he had gone to over the weekend. Isak thought he was talking about the girl he had hooked up with, but to be honest he hadn’t really paid attention in a long while at that point.

Eventually Jonas noticed that and he quieted.

“You good bro?” Jonas asked it that way that said that he very much did not think Isak was okay.

“Yeah I’m fine, just tired.” It was only half a lie, he was tired. He hadn’t really slept through the night since the morning he woke up without Even.

Jonas just hummed.

It only took two more minutes of silence for Isak to break. “I lied, I fucked up,” he said, looking everywhere but at Jonas. “I think…”

Jonas still didn’t say anything, but Isak could feel his stare on the side of his head.

Isak sighed. “I slept with Even.”

“Ok,” Jonas said slowly, “I don’t really see the problem?”

Isak took a long moment to collect his thoughts.

“He wasn’t there in the morning,” Isak finally settled on saying, “and he stopped replying to my texts.” There was a frown playing at the sides of his mouth.

“Isn’t that what you normally want, just a one night stand?”

“Yeah… but– I don’t know.”

“Is it different with Even?”

“I don’t like him like that if that’s what you’re asking.” Isak could feel himself getting defensive.

“It kind of sounds like you do though.”

Jonas was trying to make eye contact with Isak, but Isak kept diverting his gaze.

“I just… I can’t.”

“Ok,” Jonas said, clearly confused, “but why not?”

“I just can’t, ok,” Isak knew he sounded angry.

Jonas looked like he wanted to push more, but decided against it. After a few more minutes of silence, Jonas went back to talking about parties or classes or something and Isak went back to tuning him out.

They parted ways almost an hour later after Isak threw his cold, untouched food in the trash. But right before Jonas moved to leave, Isak stopped him.

“You haven’t…” Isak cleared his throat. “You haven’t seen him in class lately, have you?” Isak’s voice was small and he tried not to sound too hopeful.

Jonas was too polite to say anything about it or even ask who the _him_ Isak was referring to was, all he said was, “no, but I can ask around if you want.”

“No. No, it’s fine.”

Isak turned to walk home, hands shoved deep into his pockets, shoulders hunched.

* * *

When Isak got home he flopped onto the couch. He opened Instagram, and after a few minutes of mindless scrolling, he searched for Even’s account.

Even didn’t have many photos, just a couple of artsy photos of his friends and two of some beach somewhere.

Isak navigated to the pictures Even was tagged in, and suddenly his screen was filled with _Even_. Even at a party, Even smiling, Even caught by surprise. It was the first time he’d seen Even’s face, which had become such a constant in Isak’s life, in nearly a week.

Something in Isak’s chest seized and before he could think about what he was doing, he moved to block Even’s account. He then opened Facebook to block Even’s account there too. He couldn’t remember when he had actually added him on Facebook.

He opened Twitter to see if he’d followed Even’s account on there before remembering that he didn’t actually have a Twitter account. So he just stared blankly at the Sign In page.

A sudden bang from the kitchen brought Isak back to the moment and he hesitated only slightly before also blocking Even’s number.

Isak considered burning the clothes Even had left in his room that Isak still hadn’t cleaned up, but decided that felt too much like a teenager going through a break-up. And Isak was _not_ going through a breakup. That would have meant there was _something_ to break up. And there wasn’t. Isak tried very hard not to think about how much their museum visits and cafe hangouts had felt like dates.

* * *

Isak went out that weekend. And the weekend after. And again the weekend after that.

He was aware that he was drinking a little too much, smoking a little too much. He could see the concerned looks Jonas was giving him when he thought Isak wouldn’t notice. Or maybe they were looks of disappointment. Though knowing Jonas, it was probably both.

But it didn’t really matter to Isak. He just drank more whenever they played that fucking Gabrielle song.

Mahdi and Magnus didn’t know what Isak was drinking to forget, they were just happy that he was coming out with them again and Isak let himself get caught up in their excitement.

Isak tried hooking up with random guys he met at parties, but they never really got any further than kissing. As soon as they started pulling at his clothes, Isak would extricate himself and go join whichever one of the boys had struck out that night and down another beer.

Isak desperately wanted to find release with someone, but he couldn’t shake his discomfort every time their fingers brushed against his skin. 

* * *

Isak saw Even on campus one Wednesday, the briefest of glimpses really. But even though it was just for a moment as he was sprinting from one class to another, Isak could tell something was not right. Isak couldn’t put his finger on why, but he just knew.

For the rest of the day, Isak felt as if he’d taken a punch to the stomach.

* * *

“Isak, Noora brought home croissants, they’re on the table if you want one.” Eskild’s voice was muffled by Isak’s closed door.

Isak groaned loudly and rolled over burying his face in his pillow.

“You ok baby gay?”

“Yes.”

No. Isak was so, so hungover and Eskild’s voice was reverberating painfully through his entire head.

Eskild clearly didn’t believe Isak because the next thing he knew, Eskild was perched on the edge of his bed patting his leg.

“Rough night?”

“Mm,” was all Isak could get out.

“You’ve been going out a lot more lately, anything you want to talk to your guru about?”

Isak tried to shake his head, but it just made him feel like he was floating through jello.

“No,” Isak answered finally because Eskild still seemed to be waiting for an answer.

“Well you know you can talk to me about anything, ok?”

Eskild gave Isak’s leg one last pat and stood up. He had just reached the door when Isak spoke up in a small voice.

“Eskild?”

“Yeah?”

The heavy silence stretched out between them like thick toffee.

Eventually Isak flopped onto his back, starfishing across his bed. He closed his eyes so he didn’t have to look at Eskild.

“What if I can never love?” Isak was almost as surprised as Eskild was that those were the words that came out of his mouth.

“Are you still high?” Eskild asked suspiciously.

“No,” Isak said defensively. “Just, ugh… never mind.”

“Is this cause that guy left?” When Isak didn’t answer, Eskild continued, “you’ll have plenty more chances, Isak.”

Isak didn’t even question how Eskild knew about Even.

“That’s not… not what I meant.”

“Ok, what did you mean?” Eskild asked while leaning back against the wall.

“Never mind.”

“Isak, tell me.” The command was obvious, but Eskild’s voice was soft.

“I don’t know how…”

Isak flopped his arm across his eyes to block out the light that was making his growing migraine worse. Eskild hadn’t said anything, just waited patiently, so Isak continued.

“Just like… what if I can’t love. All the guys I’ve dated, they’ve been so nice but as soon as they start telling me how much they like me or start talking about the future my brain will just freak out and I break up with them. And I don’t even know why, it just happens. So what if I’m, like, not meant for love?”

Isak felt so drained after confessing something that had been weighing heavily on his mind for years.

“I want to though,” he added, almost as an afterthought, “fall in love.”

“Isak,” Eskild’s voice had grown impossibly softer. “I can’t tell answer that for you. But, those guys probably just weren’t the right person at the right time, it doesn’t mean that you’re incapable of falling in love. But you’re never going to love someone like that if you don’t give yourself the chance. And it might not happen right away, or in the next ten years, or ever, but you’re too young to close off your heart.”

Isak wanted to say something else, to argue with Eskild, but he couldn’t find anything to say.

After a couple more minutes of silence, Eskild pushed himself off the wall.

“Come eat breakfast with us,” he added as he left Isak’s room, “carbs are good for hangovers!”


	5. chapter 5

The next time Isak saw Even was at a party nearly five weeks after he’d woken up alone. Isak was sitting with the boys on a couch in the back of some second year’s apartment getting high and Even had just walked in.

“What’s he doing here?” Isak asked absentmindedly, exhaling smoke as he talked. He wasn’t really expecting an answer. It hadn’t hit him yet that Even was _there_.

“Oh, I invited him,” Jonas answered however after following Isak’s gaze.

Isak sat straight up suddenly. It was finally hitting him that _Even_ was _there_ , just across the room. 

“What the fuck bro, why?” he asked looking back at Jonas slouched into the couch.

“You guys should talk,” Jonas said with a shrug as if that was enough of an answer.

“Stop fucking meddling with my life,” Isak said as he slid back again.

“I’m not meddling.”

“Then what the fuck _are_ you doing?” Anger was spreading through Isak, hot and fast. He nearly choked on the think smoke around their heads.

“Helping a bro out.”

“Which _bro,_ Jonas, me or Even?” Isak had the nagging suspicion that there was something Jonas wasn’t telling him.

“All I’m saying,” Jonas said with a deep sigh, “is that you should talk to him.”

“He fucking ghosted me, I’m not gonna talk to him.”

“You should.”

“I have nothing to say to him.” Isak tipped his head back and closed his eyes.

“He could be good for you.”

Isak thought about it for a split second, but then emphatically responded, “no, I’m gonna go get drunk, I don’t want to deal with this right now.”

Isak did exactly that. Every time someone offered him a drink he took it. He did shots with Eva, shared a beer with Magnus, drank whatever was in the cup that some guy in the kitchen handed him.

And by some miracle he didn’t see Even for most of the night. Until his luck ran out around 1am, but by then he was way too far gone to care anymore. 

Isak was coming out of the bathroom–and by the taste in his mouth he had been in there to throw up, but he didn’t really remember–when he ran into Even. Physically ran into him, and suddenly Isak’s world was shifting and the room was spinning. But when Isak expected to hit the floor, he strangely didn’t. By the time he was vaguely more aware of what was happening, Even was pushing him upright.

“Even!” he exclaimed, realizing who it was, his face breaking out into a wide grin.

Even’s mouth quirked up into a smaller, much more sober smile.

“Isak, hey.”

Isak’s smile instantly fell and suddenly his fists were hitting Even’s chest, though they were much too uncoordinated to have any real effect.

“Where. The. Fuck. Have. You. Been,” Isak slurred between hits, “You fucking left me you piece of shit.”

“Shit ok, you’re drunk,” Even said, catching Isak’s hands, “wait here, I’m gonna go find Jonas.” Even gently maneuvered Isak so he was leaning against the wall.

“Don’t touch me,” Isak slurred half-heartedly, but he was too tired to fight him and too tired to move from the wall.

* * *

Isak didn’t know how they got back to his apartment, but the next thing he knew they were stumbling through the door and Even was saying something to Eskild that Isak didn’t hear.

And then Isak was being gently manhandled into his bed. Even pulled off his shoes and hesitated for a moment before finally deciding to also pull off Isak’s pants before tucking him under the blanket.

“Don’t go,” Isak mumbled into his pillow, his fingers finding Even’s shirt from where he was hovering above the bed, “please.” His fist tightened in Even’s shirt.

“Sober you wouldn’t want that Isak.” Even struggled to get his shirt loose. “But I’ll be back tomorrow morning, ok? We can talk then if you want.”

Isak didn’t respond, already sinking into a deep sleep.

* * *

“Isak, the guy from last night is here with breakfast for you,” Eskild shouted through his door. “Do you want me to tell him to go away?”

“Who?” Isak said, barely conscious enough to figure what Eskild was saying.

“Uh–“ a pause, “says his name’s Even?”

“Oh fuck.” The night before came flooding back to Isak, at least some of it, enough of it. He was never going to remember most of the night, he’d drank enough to make sure of that.

And then when it finally registered that _Even_ was in his apartment with _Eskild–_ who could get a person’s social security number, bank account information, and deepest secret if left alone with them long enough–Isak shot up out of bed. He rushed out of his room to find Even in the kitchen. His breath hitched.

Even looked him up and down and Isak felt exposed. “Maybe put on some pants? And then we can talk if you still want to?” Then Isak realized that he was in fact exposed, he’d forgotten to check how much clothing he was wearing in his haste to stop a potential Eskild interrogation. He could feel the blush that was threatening to take over his entire body and hastily turned around to retreat to his room.

When Isak finally shuffled out in enough clothing to be decent, he went straight for the box of pastries that Even had brought.

“So… talk,” Isak demanded around a mouthful of croissant.

“Do you maybe want to take a walk?” Even looked over Isak’s shoulder to where Eskild was clearly trying to eavesdrop, wiping nonexistent dust off the picture frames in the hallway.

Isak didn’t answer, just stalked off toward the front door with a second croissant in his hand.

They walked side-by-side in awkward silence for nearly ten minutes before Even took a deep breath, steadying himself.

“I wanted to come back, Isak, believe me,” Even said as if he knew exactly what Isak would have asked if he wasn’t so stubborn. “But my mom wouldn’t let me.” It felt more like a question than a statement.

“Wha– Your mom? I don’t understand.”

Even took another deep breath, as if to brace himself, “I’m bipolar,” he said as if that explained everything.

“I still don’t….” Isak trailed off.

“I was having a manic episode,” Even added and Isak just stared blankly at him.

Even let out a humorless laugh and paused for a moment before speaking again, slowly as if each word was carefully chosen.

“I ran out because I wanted to give you this grand declaration of love. I had this idea in the middle of the night, and I wanted to give you the universe. I was going to spray paint you a galaxy on the side of the art building. Honestly I don’t remember most of my plan,” Even pauses for another moment staring off into the distance, and Isak realized that Even had barely looked at him the entire time they had been walking. “But my mom caught me trying to break into my old bedroom to get my spray paints.” Even shuffled his hands around, putting them into his jacket pockets, before pulling them out again, his usual boisterous confidence replaced with nervous tics. “She realized I was manic, that’s why I didn’t come back. I’m so sorry Isak, I know I should have told you sooner.”

Even was finally looking at Isak again, but Isak was too overwhelmed with the sadness mixed with hope that was pooling in Even’s eyes and he had to look away.

After several moments of silence had passed, Isak searched for the right response, but when none came, he asked, “do you even know how to spray paint?”

Even's small laugh was more out of surprise than humor. “Honestly, not really. I just had them from some stupid high school art project.”

Another awkward pause.

“That was weeks ago though, where have you been?” Isak finally asked the question that had been tugging at the corners of his brain.

“Usually after a manic episode, I have a depressive episode, so I wasn’t really in shape to talk to anyone for a few weeks… And then I didn’t think you would want to see me. I didn’t know if I was ready to see _you_ again,” Even looked away and paused again before continuing, “but then Jonas said you were moping so…”

“I wasn’t moping, I was just,” Isak searched for the right word, “worried, I guess.” And after a beat be added, “and disappointed.”

“Disappointed?”

They’d stopped walking by then, but they still faced forward, neither quite looking directly at the other.

“Yeah… no, I don’t know.” Isak had barely said anything and he’d already revealed too much of the thoughts he had wallowed in over the past few weeks.

“Can we try this again?” Even suddenly asked.

“Try what again?”

“Us.”

 _There’s no us, there’s no us, there’s no us_ , Isak’s panicked brain screamed at him.

Isak started and stopped several times before settling on, “I need time to think.”

He turned around before he could see how his words affected Even, didn’t want an image of Even looking crushed burned into his mind.

As Isak walked he thought about their conversation, playing it over and over again in his head. He kept getting stuck on the word _love_. What did Even mean that he wanted to give Isak a _declaration of love_? It was too soon for that. The question followed Isak for the rest of his walk back to his apartment.

* * *

When Isak got back home he curled up into the armchair in the living room.

“So… he was cute…” Eskild startled Isak. He had been too lost in his own head to notice that Eskild and Linn were sitting on the couch in front of him.

After several moments of Isak not answering and an intense staring contest, Eskild sighed in defeat and turned on the tv.

Isak played with his phone instead of watching whatever show Eskild had turned on. He flipped between apps for a few minutes before deciding to unblock Even’s number, though he stopped himself before he unlocked Even’s Instagram and Facebook accounts as well. He didn’t really want to have to look at Even’s face right then, knowing that if he did for too long, his resolve would crumble and he would call Even. It hadn’t even been an hour and Isak knew it was too soon.

Four hours later he received a text from Even, it was another Spotify link, this one titled “songs Isak will actually enjoy as an apology :)”

This time he didn’t wait and locked himself in his room to listen to the playlist.

* * *

A few days later Isak found himself eating lunch with just Magnus. It wasn’t something that happened often, but Mahdi had class and Jonas had a meeting with his advisor or something.

“Hey Magnus, your mom,” Isak cleared his throat, “your mom, she’s bipolar right?”

“Huh?” was the only response he got.

“Nothing, never mind,” Isak was immediately regretting his question.

Magnus, completely oblivious to Isak’s discomfort, answered when his brain caught up, “yeah she is, why?”

Isak sighed and turned to face Magnus fully.

“Just… what’s, uh, what’s it like?”

“What’s what like?”

Isak considered his words carefully before he continued, “what’s being bipolar like? Or like, what’s it like living with someone who’s bipolar?” Isak had no idea if any of that came out right.

Magnus took a moment to consider his own words. “Well I can’t answer what it’s like being bipolar, you’d have to ask someone who actually is bipolar, but my mom’s great. Sure there are some bad moments when she’s depressed or manic, but mostly it’s great and she’s still my mom, you know? I wouldn’t trade her for the world. And sometimes it’s just really fucking funny.”

“Funny?”

“Yeah man, like,” Magnus paused for a moment, “ok, two years ago she got so angry that the bus didn’t come _directly_ to our house that she figured out all of the board members of the bus company and wrote resignation letters in their names. Just like, ‘I can’t work under these conditions anymore,’ and stuff like that. It was really funny, and we still laugh about it.”

Magnus went back to his lunch.

“Why are you asking me this?” he asked around a mouthful of his sandwich.

“Uh, I just know someone… Even, he’s bipolar.”

“Oh, cool. Even’s cool, I meet him a couple of times.”

Isak was glad that Magnus couldn’t read him well enough to know that that wasn’t the end of it.

But then a sudden thought struck Isak and his mouth betrayed him, “do you think he only fucked me because he was manic?”

“What the fuck bro, you hooked up with him? And didn’t tell me?” Mangus looked betrayed for a moment but then his face split into a wide grin. “Good job, he’s hot.” He dropped his sandwich and held up his hand for a high five.

Isak did what he did best and just glared at Magnus.

When Magnus figured out he wasn’t going to get a high five back he dropped his hand and settled back into his seat. “I mean I can’t really speak for Even. But he probably wouldn’t sleep with you if he didn’t want to, even if he was manic,” Magnus finished with a shrug.

* * *

On Friday Isak went out with the boys again. But he didn’t drink or smoke as much as he normally would.

He did, however, try to kiss a short, dark haired guy who had been making eyes at him from across the room for a while. But every time their lips or their hands or their bodies touched, Isak was reminded of how much this guy was not Even, and given that they were pressed up against each other, that was a lot of fucking reminders. Isak couldn’t believe he’d let one night affect him this much. 

So when he saw Even an hour after he’d extricated himself from the guy, he walked up to Even.

Eskild’s words about giving himself a chance and Magnus’ words about his mom were rattling around in his brain resulting in a nagging feeling that Isak couldn’t quite place. So when he reached Even he stuck out his hand.

“Hi, I’m Isak, what’s your name?”

Even looked confused for a moment and then his face lit up like he figured out what Isak was doing. He grabbed Isak’s hand to shake it. 

“Hi Isak,” and oh how Isak had missed hearing the way Even said his name like _that._ “I’m Even, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Isak didn’t know where to go from there and he got distracted by the fact that Even was still holding onto his hand.

“So Isak, what are your thoughts on parallel universes?”

“A little deep for a first meeting, don’t you think?”

“Mm, no, it’s a very important question. I ask all my new friends.”

“You haven’t unlocked that information yet,” Isak didn’t know where that statement came from.

“And how can I unlock it?” Even played along.

Isak didn’t know if he was letting his own hopes cloud his judgment, but he felt like Even was flirting with him.

“You could start by getting me another drink?” Isak stuck out his empty cup knowing that he would need to be slightly more drunk for this to be bearable.

When Even returned, he took a sip from his now full cup, but all he tasted was lemonade.

“There’s no alcohol in this?”

Even shrugged, “can’t have you forgetting our first meeting because you were too drunk.”

“You think you’re gonna be that important, huh?”

“Confident,” Even said with a grin that made Isak positive that, yes, Even was flirting with him.

* * *

“I can’t give you what you want.” Isak felt naked under Even’s gaze and not in a good way.

They had found their way to a surprisingly unoccupied couch and were sitting next to each other with their legs tangled. Their conversation had turned serious the longer they talked and Isak could feel the walls that he’d so carefully built up over the past few weeks crumble.

“You don’t know what I want.”

“This feeling never fucking lasts,” Isak said by way of explaining.

“Oh, so you have feelings for me?” Even asked teasingly.

“ _Even_ ,” Isak whined in return, “this is serious.”

“Ok, I’m serious,” Even wiped the grin from his face, but Isak could see that it still tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Why won’t it last?”

“Well, you’ll start talking about our future or love or something, anything, I don’t know, and my brain will freak out and tell me that I need to break up with you.”

“Maybe that’s true,” Even responded slowly, “but maybe I’ll leave you, or maybe you’ll leave me when my bipolar becomes too much for you to handle. There could be a million reasons.”

Isak raised his hand to cup Even’s face and tenderly stroke his thumb against his cheekbone. “Never because of that, ok? You’re not too much to handle.”

Even looked sad for a moment, but then shifted so that he could rest his forehead against Isak’s. The rest of the party that still raged around them melted away and it was just the two of them in their own little world.

“What if you played a game? Isak and Even: day by day. The only thing we have to worry about is today, and if one day you decide you want to break up or I decide I want to break up, we’ll deal with it then. But we’ll take it slow.”

Seeing the way that Even looked at him with so much hope, Isak decided to give himself a chance, give them a chance. “Ok,” he responded in a small voice. “Can I kiss you now?”

Even laughed and that was the only answer Isak needed before he surged forward to press his lips to Even’s. Isak was overwhelmed by just how fucking nice it felt to kiss Even again.

After a few minutes Even pulled back and Isak frowned. Even pressed another chaste kiss against Isak’s lips before pulling back again, this time out of reach of Isak.

“So…. _boyfriend_ , do you wanna leave?”

A shiver ran up Isak’s back at the word boyfriend and he paused for a moment waiting for the switch to flip in his brain, but it never did so he just nodded.

* * *

They ended up back in Isak’s bed after they left the party, but they didn’t do anything more than kiss lazily.

Isak struggled against the weight pulling his eyes closed.

“Sleep Isak, I’ll still be here in the morning.”

“Promise?”

“Yes, I promise,” Even said before pressing a gentle kiss to Isak’s temple and Isak dozed off.


	6. epilogue

The first time Isak said “I love you” to Even, he didn’t so much say it as he sent Even a link to a Spotify playlist titled “sappy love songs for Even because i love you <3”

Isak knew the moment that Even received the text because he heard Even’s breath hitch from where he was laying with his head in Isak’s lap.

Even quickly got up from the couch to plug his phone into the speakers and suddenly the room was filled with Gabrielle’s 5 fine frøkner. Even gaped at him before laughing.

“This isn’t what I was expecting.”

“Hm,” Isak still hadn’t looked up from his phone, he was trying to not let Even know just how nervous he was.

Isak was still trying to figure out if this was love that he was feeling, but he thought the warm feeling he got in his chest every time he looked at Even and the little electric shocks he got when their fingers touched might be it. Even had been constantly telling Isak that he loved him for the past few months of their relationship–it still felt like such a foreign word to Isak, _relationship_. But he never pushed Isak to say it back.

Isak kept waiting for it all to come crashing down, but it never did and Isak started to let himself truly fall. So a week earlier Isak had started making a playlist of all the love songs he could find so he could finally send Even a playlist back for the dozen or so he’d sent Isak. And if he had asked Eva and Sana for help, that was his business.

There hadn’t been anything particularly special about the moment that Isak had decided to actually send the playlist. Even had been laughing at something on his phone and the sun was warm against their faces as it streamed in through the open window, and Isak just felt at peace. 

“This isn’t exactly a sappy love song, babe,” Even said settling back down on the couch, half on top of Isak, and Isak went back to gently carding his fingers through Even’s hair.

“It’s the song that was playing the first time I saw you so it’s like our song,” Isak answered, “isn’t that how this works?”

“You’re being sappy.”

“Only with you,” Isak melted.

Isak thought the conversation was over, but then Even absentmindedly said, “it’s not the song that was playing when I first saw you though.”

Isak’s fingers stopped. He waited.

Even flipped over so he was looking up at Isak before continuing, “I think it was… what’s that Katy Perry song that was popular a few years ago? Scream? No, Roar.”

Isak cleared his throat. “When was this?”

“Hm, beginning of last school year, I think. I was helping with a welcome party for the first years on campus and they were playing really loud music. And that’s when I saw you walk by with your friends.”

“That was like over a year and a half ago though, you still remember that?” Isak asked incredulously.

“You’re not as forgetful as you think you are, Isak.”

“Oh,” was all Isak could say. If his brain had been functioning properly he would have teased Even about being the sappy one in their relationship, but somehow Even knew exactly what to say to reduce Isak’s brain to mush every time. “That’s not gonna be our song though. Gabrielle is okay, but I draw the line at fucking Katy Perry.”

“We can find a new song,” Even suggested.

“Okay.”

“I love you, Isak.”

“I love you, too,” he could finally say back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end! thank you for all your lovely comment <3 
> 
> and not that it really matters, but here are some of the other songs on isak's playlist:  
> lovers do – the brummies  
> this is love (interlude) – joey kidney, matt walden  
> nobody but us – noah mac  
> you - tennyson  
> love to love u - wrabel  
> paris - new west


End file.
